K14: Mighty Jack
by Trey Yeatts
At least they’re at Epcot.
Epcot (which stands for Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow) is a Disney theme park in Orlando, Florida, dedicated to visions of a utopian future. It opened in 1982.
[Imitating Jerry Lewis.] Whoa ... Dean.
Jerry Lewis (1926-2017) was a comedian, actor, director and producer who got his start in the 1940s alongside Dean Martin in the Martin and Lewis comedy team. He made an enormously popular series of slapstick comedies in the 1950s and 1960s, including The Bellboy (1960) and The Nutty Professor (1963). He later became associated with the Muscular Dystrophy Association's Labor Day Telethon, which he hosted for 44 years.
Run, Eliza, run.
A reference to the chorus of “The Small House of Uncle Thomas” from the musical The King and I, written by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein. The song itself is based on Uncle Tom’s Cabin, written by Harriet Beecher Stowe, and details the 1852 book in a performance for the king of Siam. The show debuted on Broadway in 1951.
Walk, don’t run. Run, don’t walk.
“Walk, Don’t Run” is a rock instrumental written and originally performed in 1955 by Johnny Smith. It became a hit for the group The Ventures in 1960.
I think they’re playing hide-and-seek.
Hide-and-seek is a game wherein one person is chosen to be “It” and the others hide. “It” then searches for the others. Occasionally, a home base can be designated and the hiders, when found, can run for the base to avoid being tagged by “It.” The yell to announce the end of a round, “Olly Olly Oxen Free!” was originally, “All ye, all ye, outs in free.”
Everyone’s going somewhere. –But does anyone really know what time it is?
Paraphrased lyrics to the 1969 Chicago song, “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” Actual lyrics: “People runnin’ everywhere/Don’t know where to go/Don’t know where I am ... Does anybody really know what time it is?/Does anybody really care?”
Sandy Frank is all you need to know.
See above note.
These guys all dress like the Duncan yo-yo champs. –Wouldn’t you?
Duncan Toys Company is an Ohio-based manufacturer best known for their line of yo-yos, including the famed Duncan Imperial. Duncan first made yo-yos circa 1930. Duncan sponsors the Duncan Crew, a team of highly skilled yo-yo players, including several national and international champions in various countries.
Is that Matthew Broderick? –No, it’s Matthew Blodelick.
Matthew Broderick is an actor best known for playing the title character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986). He also starred in 1983’s WarGames, 1999’s Godzilla, and the Broadway run of The Producers beginning in 2001.
What’s that Seiko watch doing in a Japanese film?
Seiko is a Japanese watch company founded in 1881.
They’re playing games with Mr. Atari.
Atari is the video game and consumer electronics brand founded by Nolan Bushnell and Ted Dabney in 1972. The name came from the Japanese board game Go, where “atari” means “to hit the target. In 1977, they released the famed Atari 2600 (initially called the VCS: “Video Computer System”) and soon became the fastest-growing company in the United States. After the release of the Atari 5200 in 1982 came the Video Game Crash of 1983, wherein the market was saturated with often-inferior games and personal computers were on the rise. The company became splintered among its varied divisions and corporate maneuvering led to its demise in 1984. Various companies have purchased the brand and produced games with the name in the ensuing years.
[Sung.] We’re on the way to Marrakesh, all aboard! –The phone. They’re taking us to Mighty Jack on the Mighty Jack express.
A paraphrase of the 1969 Crosby, Stills & Nash song “Marrakesh Express.” Actual lyrics: “Wouldn’t you know we’re riding on the Marrakesh Express/They’re taking me to Marrakesh/All aboard the train.”
[Sung.] Atari. Oh, oh.
“Nel blu dipinto di blu” (Italian for “In the blue, painted blue”), better known as simply “Volare” (Italian for “to fly”), is a song written by Domenico Modungo and Franco Migliacci in 1958. It’s been covered more than a hundred times over the years, most popularly by The McGuire Sisters, Bobby Rydell, and Dean Martin.
His name means he’s the heir to the Atari fortune.
See above note.
My God. It’s a microscreen razor. –It’s a lady lepillitate ... depillitator thingy. Those hair things.
Microscreen is a feature common to electric razors manufactured by Remington Products. The word Crow is struggling for is "depilator," or possibly Epilady, a brand of electric hair removers first introduced in 1986.
He just got promoted from Webelo.
Webelos is the highest level in the Cub Scouts, for boys in fourth or fifth grade. The name “Webelos” is a holdover acronym for “WE’ll BE LOyal Scouts.”
It’s a giant Crashmobile.
Crashmobile was a toy released in the 1960s by Tri-Play Toys. When the vehicles were wound up and released, they rolled away and crashed into objects. Upon impact, they flew apart into various pieces that could be reassembled.
What’s the secret to Mario Brothers? How does it work?
Mario and Luigi are the primary characters in a series of video games produced by Nintendo over the past three decades. They are brothers and plumbers who often find themselves rescuing princesses from the clutches of evil elements in the Mushroom Kingdom, such as the turtle-like Koopas. Mario first appeared in 1981’s arcade game Donkey Kong, and the duo got their own title in 1983’s Mario Bros. It was 1985’s Super Mario Bros. that gave Mario and Luigi worldwide recognition. Mario titles have anchored all of Nintendo’s home gaming systems, including NES, SNES, Nintendo 64, and Wii. Altogether, Mario has appeared in more than two hundred games.
And what’s the formula to Orange Julius?
Orange Julius is a chain of beverage shops specializing in fruit drinks. The first location was an orange juice stand opened in Los Angeles by Julius Freed in 1926. Freed’s realtor had a sensitive stomach, so he concocted a frothy and creamy orange drink that Freed began to sell. Sales shot up. Today, Orange Julius has more than 5,700 locations worldwide.
Jimmy Swaggart is a pastor who helped lead an explosion of televangelism in the United States beginning in 1975 with his syndicated program, Jimmy Swaggart Telecast. In the mid-’80s, Swaggart began a campaign against rock music, which he called “the new pornography.” His push was short-lived when, in 1988, he became (in)famous after being accused of soliciting a prostitute. He denied the allegations for a time and then gave a tearful confession on his television show. “I have sinned ... (sob, sob)” became a punch line for years. In 1991, Swaggart was pulled over by California police and found to be in the company of a prostitute. Instead of confessing, Swaggart told members of his church, “The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business.” Despite these scandals, his multimillion-dollar media ministry continues to this day.
You can’t pick a lock with a button. I don’t care where you took your secret agent training. –You can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd either.
“You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd” is a country song by Roger Miller. Sample lyrics: “You can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd/But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.”
Whoa. Must be that laser blazer.
“The Laser Blazer” is a fourth season episode of the 1965-1970 spy spoof TV series Get Smart. In it, Agent Maxwell Smart travels to Hong Kong to pick up a weapon, but the tailor just gives him a snazzy sports coat. Smart doesn’t realize that the blazer actually contains a high-powered laser. Hijinks ensue.
And it’s a little Roach Motel.
Roach Motel is a brand of insect trap produced by Black Flag since 1976. The name has become a brand eponym (not unlike Band-Aids) for all manner of paper boxes with scent bait and sticky insides. Roach Motels became very popular thanks to their ad campaign with the famous tagline, “Roaches check in, but they don’t check out!”
Little jars of Carmex.
Carmex is a brand of lip balm first produced by Alfred Woelbing in a suburb of Milwaukee in the early 1930s. From the beginning, Carmex was sold in ubiquitous little yellow-capped jars.
[Sung.] Bar-bar-bar, Bar-bar-bara Ann.
A line from the song “Barbara Anne” written by Fred Fassert and performed by The Regents in 1961. In 1965, The Beach Boys released their famous cover (dropping the “e” in “Anne”). In 1979, the song was parodied by Vince Vance & the Valiants and titled “Bomb Iran,” in response to the Iran hostage crisis.
This secretary will self-destruct in five seconds.
In the TV series Mission: Impossible, near the beginning of each episode, a hidden taped message would be played for the team leader (either Mr. Briggs or Mr. Phelps). Once the details of the mission had been divulged, the voice would say, “This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.” It would usually smoke and fizzle shortly thereafter.
On his way into Jackie Gleason’s home.
Jackie Gleason (1916-1987) was a comedian best known for the classic TV series The Honeymooners (1951-1955). He hosted The Cavalcade of Stars on the DuMont network in 1950 before being lured to CBS, where he hosted The Jackie Gleason Show and starred in The Honeymooners. He had a successful music career, including the album Music For Lovers Only, which still holds the record for remaining in the Billboard Top Ten charts the longest (153 weeks). He had a thriving film career, too, thanks to starring roles in The Hustler and as the foul-mouthed Sheriff Buford T. Justice in the Smokey & the Bandit series.
Sounds like Miles Davis is over.
Miles Davis (1926-1991) was a jazz trumpeter who played a seminal role in jazz movements in the 1950s and 1960s and is considered one of the most influential musicians of the 20th century.
The clown prince never had more fun.
Meadowlark Lemon, the “Clown Prince of Basketball,” was the most popular member of the Harlem Globetrotters basketball team. During his five decades in the sport, he played in more than ten thousand games.
His baked biscuits. He’ll come a’runnin’. Mighty Jack loves tasty biscuits.
A reference to a commercial for Pillsbury Hungry Jack biscuits that aired in the late ‘70s and into the ‘80s.
Drink. Pepsi. –Burma. Shave.
Pepsi is a major brand of cola, the chief competitor to Coca-Cola. It was first made in North Carolina in 1898 by pharmacist Caleb Bradham and sold as “Brad’s Drink.” “Drink Pepsi” was a simple advertising line seen on many billboards and signs for decades. Burma-Shave was a brand of shaving cream manufactured by Burma-Vita Company from 1925 to 1963, when the company was sold to Philip Morris. Burma-Shave is most famous for the hundreds of humorous rhyming sequential road signs that appeared throughout the nation from the mid-1920s to the mid-1960s. The practice of advertising through sequential road signs has become known as “Burma-Shaving” and has even been used in political campaigns.
They’re heat-seeking missiles. What we need are some plot-seeking missiles. Or a giant turtle.
A reference to the five Gamera films Joel and the ‘bots riffed previously (Shows K04-K08). Gamera is a popular Japanese franchise of “kaiju” (“monster”) films about a giant flying turtle who befriends children and occasionally stomps Tokyo.
The good thing is, this is the island that has Gilligan on it. –Which is a relief for all of this. Servo, all those years on the island, why didn’t they just eat Gilligan? –Jump on the spit, li’l buddy. –Not everything can be negotiated with Boston cream pies. –Or coconut cream pies. –Oh yeah. –I’m glad we got that worked in again this week. –You’d think they could have fixed a two-foot hole in the boat, too.
On the show Gilligan’s Island (1964-1967), banana cream pies were frequently baked by Mary Ann only to end up in Gilligan’s (Bob Denver’s) face. “Li’l buddy” was the oft-heard nickname the Skipper (played by Alan Hale Jr.) gave to Gilligan. And, yes, it is unfortunately true that the Professor never managed to repair the mostly okay boat they wrecked on.
How’s a letter gonna come back [static]? Q. Big scary Q. –If any letter could ... –Big scary deal. There’s only twenty-two letters of the alphabet left, you know, because L and M got kicked out for smoking. –You’re still missing one. –And P? What happened? –It couldn’t hold itself.
An old joke referencing the L&M brand of cigarettes, first produced in 1953 by Liggett & Myers Tobacco Company. (And, yes, their arithmetic on the number of letters in the alphabet is off.)
Looks like I’m on KP.
KP is military shorthand for “Kitchen Police” or “Kitchen Patrol.” This is a duty often assigned to junior military personnel and to soldiers who have committed some minor infraction.
Cubby. –Roy. –Annette. –Darlene.
Cubby O’Brien, Roy Williams, Annette Funicello, and Darlene Gillespie were all Mouseketeers on the TV show The Mickey Mouse Club, which aired from 1955-1959.
Agents in every country, would that be Amway?
Amway is a multilevel direct marketing company that was founded in 1959. Over the decades, the group has been accused of being a pyramid scheme and many cases went to court around the world, but none proved successful, though in 2010 Amway settled a class action lawsuit in California, without admitting wrongdoing, for $56 million. In many media portrayals, Amway is depicted as being cultlike and their agents as annoying and fanatical.
I dropped my Dots. –I’ll get ‘em. I’m stuck. –Get up. –I’m all sticky now. You should mop this room out, Joel. Gives me an idea for a Halloween costume, though.
Dots is a type of gumdrop candy produced by Tootsie Roll Industries. They were first sold in 1940.
Must be Mr. Freeze.
Mr. Freeze (real name Dr. Victor Fries or Frees) is a villain in the rogues gallery of DC superhero Batman. In his various appearances on the campy ‘60s TV series Batman, Freeze was played by British actor George Sanders, director Otto Preminger, and actor Eli Wallach. The character garnered little respect until the ‘90s show Batman: The Animated Series, when the character was given a tragic origin and the dramatic goal of saving his terminally ill but cryogenically preserved wife. The episode that introduced this new motivation won an Emmy. However, any new dramatic weight Freeze had earned was thoroughly destroyed by Joel Schumacher and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the universally derided 1997 film Batman & Robin. I’m still bitter.
Ring a bell for you, Crow? –I don’t wanna watch this part. –I don’t want to watch any of it.
A reference to Shows K05, Gamera, and K06, Gamera vs. Gaos, wherein Crow was frozen and turned into the SOL’s Christmas tree. This was done because Trace Beaulieu was out of town.
Pack of Luckies and a menthol Sen-Sing.
A slightly mangled interpretation of lyrics from Billy Joel’s 1983 song “Keeping the Faith,” which waxes nostalgic about coming of age in the 1950s. Actual lyrics: “I took a fresh pack of Luckies/And a mint called Sen-Sen/My old man's Trojans/And his Old Spice after shave…” Luckies is shorthand for Lucky Strikes, one of the most famous brands of cigarettes ever produced and distinctive for the large red circle on the pack. The name first appeared in 1871, when Richmond, Virginia’s R. A. Patterson created a new chewing tobacco. Cigarettes came later. Sen-Sen was a strong, licorice flavored breath freshener developed in the late 1800s by perfume seller T.B. Dunn & Co. and originally marketed as a “breath perfume.” The tiny black pellets dispensed from a small cardboard box became iconic in the 1930s through the 1960s as a way to cover up the odor of booze and cigarettes. The brand was discontinued in 2003.
Bank with them. –Hey, hang ten, ho-daddies. –We’re banking back the other way now. Do the Mashed Potato. Do the Watusi. Do the Swim.
In surfer lingo, “hang ten” is a difficult maneuver wherein the surfer’s ten toes hang over the nose of the board. A “ho-daddy” is slang for a surfing enthusiast. The Mashed Potato was a popular dance in the early 1960s and performed to songs such as “Mashed Potato Time” and “(Do the) Mashed Potatoes.” It was performed by positioning one foot far behind the other and swiveling the raised heel of the rear foot. The Watusi was also a dance craze in the ‘60s, likely the second most popular of the decade behind the Twist. The Orlons released “Wah-Watusi” in 1962, and the song was covered many times. The dance was performed by bending the knees and alternately flailing one’s arms up and down. The Swim was yet another dance craze in the ‘60s popularized by Bobby Freeman’s “C’mon and Swim,” released in 1964. It was performed by gyrating one’s hips and making exaggerated swimming stroke movements with one’s arms.
This guy used to pilot the Titanic. Oh, just an iceberg.
The Titanic was a luxury passenger ship that, on its maiden voyage in 1912, struck an iceberg. Hours later, the vessel sank, killing about 1,500 people on board.
My father was a railing on the Titanic.
See previous note.
Jimmy Swaggart. –Jack Webb. –Ernie Pyle. –Frank Gorshin. –Rod Steiger. –And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
See above note on Jimmy Swaggart. Jack Webb played Sergeant Joe Friday on the TV cop show Dragnet (1951-1959). Ernie Pyle (1900-1945) was a Pulitzer Prize-winning war correspondent during World War II. His articles on the war were published in hundreds of newspapers and garnered quite a following thanks to his folksy prose. He was killed by Japanese machine-gun fire on an island off Okinawa. Frank Gorshin (1933-2005) was a comedian and impressionist who is best remembered by current generations as the Riddler on the campy ‘60s Batman TV series. Rod Steiger (1925-2002) was an Academy Award-winning actor best known for his role as police Chief Bill Gillespie opposite Sidney Poitier in the 1967 film In the Heat of the Night. Jerry Mathers is an American actor best known for his title role in the TV series Leave It to Beaver (1957-1963).
Pronto. –Pronto. –Pronto Pups. –I prefer the footlong.
Pronto Pups are similar to corn dogs; wieners cooked in batter on a stick. Pronto Pup Inc. is an Oregon-based company that has been producing the mix for the treats since 1962. (In case you’re wondering, Pronto Pup batter is based on pancake batter, while corn dog batter is made with corn flour.)
Paris. –Tokyo. –[Sung.] South America!
A reference to the song “Dancing in the Street,” specifically the 1980s version recorded by Mick Jagger and David Bowie. (Thanks to Scott Graser for this reference.)
Good kick on that guy. He almost looks real. –He is. –I don’t think we have to worry about that. –Well, it’s no SST Death Flight.
A reference to Show K13, SST Death Flight.
Uh-oh, tracer rockets. Silkworm rockets.
In warfare, tracer rounds are what you may see in watching war footage as bright points of light leap across the sky. This is created by placing a substance, usually phosphorus, in the base of the round itself. Usually, tracer rounds are inserted in every fifth position in machine guns and high-capacity weapons, meaning there are four other bullets in between the lights. Silkworms are Chinese military devices developed as anti-ship weapons. The name became known to the world thanks to the Iran-Iraq War of the 1980s because both sides were using Silkworms. Yes, China sold weapons to both Iran and Iraq.
Parcheesi is an American version of the Indian board game Pachisi, which was first created about 500 BCE. The goal is to get all four of one’s pieces from the start position around the board to the center.
That’s no ice sculpture.
A paraphrase of a line from 1977’s Star Wars: “That’s no moon. It's a space station.”
[Along with the tympani in the movie, mimicking the horns from the 2001 theme.]
This music, known to pop culture as the theme to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, is actually called “Also sprach Zarathustra” (Thus Spoke Zarathustra), by German composer Richard Strauss (1864-1949). The piece is named after a book by philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900).
[Sung.] Subamaru, subamaru [snap, snap] subamaru, subamaru, subamaru [snap, snap]. –That was very odd.
An impromptu rendition of the theme song to the 1964-1966 TV series The Addams Family, composed by Vic Mizzy.
[Sung.] She’s got legs. –But she keeps them in a suitcase. –She never begs. –She knows where they’re kept at her place.
A paraphrasing of lines from the ZZ Top song “Legs.” Sample lyrics: “She’s got legs, she knows how to use them/She never begs, she knows how to choose them/She’s holdin’ leg wonderin’ how to feel them/Would you get behind them if you could only find them?”
[Sung.] I could have danced all night.
A line from the song “I Could Have Danced All Night” from the 1956 musical My Fair Lady, sung by the heroine, Eliza Doolittle.
Not flamenco guitarists! –Just one. He should be easy to kill.
Flamenco is a style of music and dance native to southern Spain. In flamenco culture, the guitar playing is an essential component, known as “toque.”
Do you think George Michael deserved Best Album for Faith?
George Michael is an English pop singer and writer who first rose to fame in the early ‘80s group Wham! Faith was his first solo album, released in 1987. In 1989, it won the Grammy Award for Album of the Year.
That’s my street identity. At night, I’m El Kabong!
El Kabong was the Zorro-like masked avenger persona occasionally adopted by Quick Draw McGraw in the Hanna-Barbera animated series The Quick Draw McGraw Show (1959-1961). In attacking evildoers, McGraw would swing into the frame, yell, “Kaboooong!” and then slam a guitar onto their heads.
Well, that depends on what you mean by politics. There’s the politics of dancing, whoa, feelin’ good.
“The Politics of Dancing” is a 1983 song by British New Wave group Re-Flex, from the album of the same name. The lyrics in question are: “The politics of dancing/The politics of oooh feeling good/The politics of moving/Is this message understood?”
This is the kind of girl Josh—this guy I know—could get into.
Servo is, of course, referring to his own puppeteer, Josh Weinstein (later known as J. Elvis Weinstein).
They got that from Hogan’s Heroes.
Hogan’s Heroes was a CBS sitcom that aired from 1965-1971 about a group of Allied service members imprisoned in a German POW camp. It starred Bob Crane as U.S. Colonel Robert Hogan, future Family Feud host Richard Dawson as U.K. Corporal Peter Newkirk, Werner Klemperer as German Colonel Wilhelm Klink, and John Banner (co-star of Show 417, Crash of the Moons) as inept German Sergeant Hans Schultz. From within the camp, Hogan and his men maintained a network of espionage while keeping their buffoonish captors distracted.
He looks like Frank Conniff.
Frank Conniff is, of course, the comedian who became Dr. Clayton Forrester’s sidekick, TV’s Frank, beginning with season two of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and staying until the end of season six. At the time this episode was produced, Conniff was a traveling standup comedian who maintained a healthy slate of shows in the upper Midwest.
[Sung.] Atari, oh no.
See note on “Volare,” above.
See above note.
It’s a Flashcube.
In the good ol’ days of film-based photography, many cameras required disposable bulbs to provide sufficient light. In the late 1960s Kodak first produced Flashcubes: a literal cube placed on top of compatible cameras that contained four electrically fired flashbulbs. After a bulb was fired, the cube rotated 90 degrees so that the next bulb could be used. Later on, Kodak produced Magicubes. These were essentially Flashcubes, but they didn’t require an electrical charge to fire. A mechanical pin was inserted into the cube by the camera, and it engaged a chemical reaction to ignite the flash.
My Hot Wheels.
Hot Wheels is a line of miniature die-cast cars, introduced in 1968 by Mattel. To this day, they remain a top Christmas gift for children.
Even the Shirelles?
The Shirelles were an all-girl pop group in the 1960s. Their biggest hits included “Mama Said,” “Dedicated to the One I Love,” and “Baby It’s You.”
See above note.
They won’t even melt in your mouth. –Or your colon.
“Melt in your mouth, not in your hands” is the longtime advertising slogan for M&Ms chocolate candies.
Could it be Tab Hunter from the United States?
Tab Hunter (1931-2018) was an actor and was a singer and teen idol in the 1950s. He had a 1957 No. 1 hit with the song “Young Love,” hosted an eponymous but short-lived sitcom (1960-61), and starred in more than forty films, including San Francisco International, which became Show 614.
Nice haircut. –Mohawk.
The mohawk hairstyle has been around for millennia and was named after the Mohawk American Indians of present-day New York state. Elsewhere, in Dublin, Ireland, the 2,000-year-old semi-mummified body of a man was found with a mohawk styled with plant oils and resin. Both Scythian warriors in 600 BCE and sixteenth-century Ukrainian Cossacks have been depicted with mohawks as well. During both World War II and Vietnam, American soldiers—usually paratroopers—adopted the hairstyle to inspire fear in their enemies. The style was later embraced by the punk movement and entered the mainstream, somewhat, thanks to the actor Mr. T.
‘Cause you gotta have faith. –And a couple of Grammys. –And Orange Crush.
See above note on George Michael’s Faith. “Grammys” is the shorthand name for the Gramophone Awards presented by the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences to recognize achievements in music. Orange Crush is a brand of orange-flavored soda pop introduced in 1916 as Ward’s Orange Crush. It’s also possible that they’re referring to the R.E.M. song “Orange Crush,” released in 1988. The song is about a young football player who leaves home to fight in Vietnam, and the title refers to the infamous chemical Agent Orange.
Rico? –Youngblood? –Danno. –Um ... Renko.
In the 1959-1963 ABC television series The Untouchables, two of Eliot Ness’s men were Agent Enrico “Rico” Rossi and Agent William Youngfellow (not Youngblood). In a 1976 episode of Saturday Night Live hosted by Desi Arnaz (a producer of the drama), Dan Aykroyd played Eliot Ness and called for the other members of his team, saying, “Lee! Rico! Youngblood!” The error was further solidified by Frank Zappa (who has a big fan in Kevin Murphy) in the 1988 song “The Untouchables,” in which his guitarist, Ike Willis, also called out for Rico and “Youngblood.” “Danno” refers to Detective Danny Williams on the original 1968-1980 TV series Hawaii Five-O; the phrase “Book ‘em, Danno” was a perennial favorite on the show. The part was played by James MacArthur. Officer Andy Renko was a character on the TV police drama Hill Street Blues (NBC, 1981-1987). The part was played by Charles Haid.
[Whistled.] “La Marseillaise.”
“La Marseillaise” (The Marseille Song) is the French national anthem, composed by Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle in 1792. Its original title was “War Song for the Army of the Rhine.”
A reference to the Laurel & Hardy short Towed in a Hole (1932), which opens with the duo trying (and failing) to sell fish from their jalopy.
Eep, opp, ork, ah-ah.
A reference to a song performed in a 1962 episode of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon The Jetsons. Daughter Judy won a date with a rock star named Jet Screamer, voiced by Howard Morris (he of “Ernest T. Bass” fame). His hit song was “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You),” written by Hoyt Curtain, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera. It’s been covered a few times since, including versions by The Dickies and the Violent Femmes.
[Sung.] Mighty Jack will take you high tonight.
A paraphrase of Billy Joel’s 1973 anti-drug song “Captain Jack”: “Captain Jack will get you high tonight/And take you to your special island/Captain Jack will get you by tonight/Just a little push, and you’ll be smilin’.”
It’s Adam West, isn’t it? –No, an incredible simulation.
Adam West (William West Anderson, 1928-2017) was the star of the campy 1966-1968 TV series Batman. “An Incredible Simulation” is the tagline from Beatlemania, a stage show that features four cast members impersonating the Beatles and playing their most famous songs.
View-Master. –Marital aid.
The View-Master is a children’s toy that resembles a pair of binoculars; when the viewer inserts a special disc containing photographic images, they appear in 3D. It was created by a company called Sawyer’s in 1939; in 1966 Sawyer’s was bought by the General Aniline & Film Company (a.k.a. GAF). The rights have changed hands several times since then; currently the brand is owned by Fisher-Price.
A portable synchrotron unit?
A synchrotron is a device used in the study of particle physics. It uses electromagnetic fields to accelerate various subatomic particles to study their interactions. This has led to advances in the fields of computing, semiconductors, geology, and fighting cancer. The largest synchrotron in the world is the doomsday-inducing Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, which has a circumference of seventeen miles.
Ice cubes in a flash? –Of course. Snowcones, no problem. –Mr. Freeze Pops? –You like ‘em thick and frosty?
A snowcone is a frozen treat served in a paper cone. It is simply crushed or shaved ice soaked with flavored syrup. Mr. Freeze Pops is a brand of stickless frozen treats created by freezing flavored sugar water inside a plastic tube. The company was founded in 1966.
Synchrotron? –Turns water to ice in seconds! You can make ice bullets with it.
See previous note.
I think Fritz is going to open his own Tastee-Freez.
Tastee-Freez is a chain of restaurants started in California in 1950. Initially, the stores were based on their frozen dairy products, but they later incorporated standard fast-food fare. The chain has been in decline due to competition from Dairy Queen, A&W, and other similar restaurants. Today, there are fewer than 100 Tastee-Freezes in the nation.
Hide behind these Pepsi dispensers.
See above note.
Tastee-Freez them. –Time for a treat.
See previous note on Tastee-Freez.
Hey, they walked down to the set of Let’s Make A Deal. –Mighty Monty.
Let’s Make a Deal is a television show that originally ran from 1963-1976. It has come and gone again in various reincarnations; the current version has only been running since 2009. The basic format of the show is that a contestant is given a product that contains a check with an unknown amount of money inside; he or she has to decide whether to keep the item or trade it for an unknown object behind one of three curtains or doors. Monty Hall is the best-known host of the show. He started in 1963 and continued in that role in most versions until 1991.
Oh, man. –I said no tricks. Tricks are for kids. –And sometimes, German scientists. –Silly Nazi ...
Trix is a brand of cereal manufactured by General Mills; it consists of multi-colored fruit-flavored shapes like grape, lemon, and raspberry. In commercials for the cereal, Trix Rabbit attempts to get his hands on the product with inevitable defeat ensuing approximately thirty seconds later. The ads usually end with one of the children taunting, “Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!”
Oh, no. They’re going to open their own demonic soft ice cream franchise. –Dairy Mean.
Dairy Queen is a chain of soft-serve ice cream and fast food restaurants started in 1940 by John McCullough in Illinois. There are nearly 6,000 locations worldwide.
I was a teenage frosty bot.
I Was a Teenage ... was a popular start to various films over the years, including I Was a Teenage Frankenstein (1957) and, of course, Show 809, I Was a Teenage Werewolf (also 1957).
Must be a Motel 6 they’re staying at. –I’m Tom Bodett with Motel 6. We’ll leave the light on for you.
Motel 6 is a chain of budget motels started in 1962 by William Becker and Paul Greene. Tom Bodett is an NPR contributor who was hired as a spokesperson for Motel 6’s radio ads in 1988. The famous tagline, “We’ll leave the light on for you,” was an ad-lib.
I thought that was a champagne fountain. –It’s a Dilly Bar machine.
A Dilly Bar is soft-serve ice cream dipped in chocolate and sold at Dairy Queen.
Mighty Jack is the guy who wrote “Seasons in the Sun,” did you know that? [Sung.] We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
A reference to and some lyrics from the 1974 Terry Jacks song “Seasons in the Sun.”
Mighty Jack Horner sat in his corner, eating some seafood gumbo.
“Little Jack Horner” is an English nursery rhyme first published in 1725 about a boy who had a Christmas pie, stuck it with his thumb and pulled out a plum. It has been suggested that the poem is about 16th-century steward Thomas Horner, who, while making a delivery of a large pie, found that it contained several deeds to various manors. Some of those properties contained lead mines (the Latin for lead being “plumbum”). Later in life, Horner did become the owner of one of these manors, but various people in the know deny that the rhyme is actually about this situation.
I said, “Lunch!” Not, “Launch!”
Far Out Space Nuts was a 1975 Sid & Marty Krofft children’s series that lasted for just sixteen episodes on CBS. It starred Bob Denver (Junior) and Chuck McGann (Barney) as NASA janitors who were unwittingly launched into deep space. In the title sequence, Junior and Barney were loading food into the capsule’s system when Junior pressed the “launch” button. Thus, “I said, ‘Lunch,’ not, ‘Launch!’”
I’d like to see Spielberg beating up Sandy Frank.
Popular film director Steven Spielberg has a string of classics on his résumé, including Jaws, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and many more. See above note on Sandy Frank.
Hey, slush dogs for everybody.
Slush Puppie is a brand of frozen treat sold in gas stations and convenience stores around the country. It is akin to snowcones, but there is a proprietary flavored syrup that is mixed with water and then frozen, producing the unique flavored ice pellets dispensed later on. They were first sold in 1970.
Open the bay pod dars [sic], Servo.
A very muddled paraphrase of a famous line spoken by astronaut Dave Borman (Keir Dullea) to the supercomputer HAL 9000 (Douglas Rain) in the 1968 Stanley Kubrick film 2001: A Space Odyssey. The actual line, of course, is, “Open the pod bay doors, HAL,” which was listed at No. 40 on the American Film Institute’s “100 Years, 100 Quotes” list.